From the moment my water broke at 32 weeks until the moment before I saw the twins in the NICU I thought I could never carry a child for someone else again. I thought that there was no way I could take on that responsibility. That even though I did everything as the Dr ordered, I felt that I had failed the twins and A.
But that all changed the moment I saw the twins in person and knew that they were going to be okay despite some time in the nursery. I feel that being a surrogate is something I was meant to do. I was put on this earth to help others and to share the gift of children with others.
Before my husband would agree for me to do another journey he asked me to put into words the pro's and con's of surrogacy. I explained in my 3 page letter to him that I feel that surrogacy has helped me teach our children about compassion, love, dedication, caring, selflessness, and sacrifice. I also explained that seeing others struggle through infertility made me have a greater appreciation and love for my children. I feel that as a family we are much more spiritually and emotionally connected. Through this journey I feel we have been able to further teach our boys to accept people no matter their sexual orientation, race, color, etc. The journey of surrogacy made me a much better wife, mother and person. And we also have gained at least 3 more members of our family.
Surrogacy also helped our family financially, it afforded us some wonderful things, things we've desired but could not normally afford. The financial end was nice but to me the most amazing part of this journey was the change I saw in my entire family, the appreciation for and dedication to one and other.
Now, what does the future hold? At this point only God knows. I hope to say that I will be graced with the ability to bless another family with a child or children, but that is out of our hands. Only time will tell.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Bittersweet day
I got the call on Friday saying that Max was to be released on Saturday and they were finally headed home to Texas. A and I decided that we would meet at the hospital so we could take pictures before they were off to the airport. I woke up Saturday morning feeling sad that A and the twins would be going home but at the same time happy that at just 4 weeks old (36 gestational weeks) both Max and Ella were healthy enough to be going home. Shawn, the kids and I got ready and met A at the hospital where we took a couple of pictures and saw them off. The visit was short and my only regret is not asking if I could get a picture of me holding the twins together, but there will be time for me to get my picture when we visit the twins at home in Texas.
It's hard to believe that this journey started just 14 months ago, and now A and the twins are off to the next phase of their journey. While the journey has come to an end the friendship will certainly last a lifetime. I have learned so much from A and his family. They are a very close and loving family and we are blessed to have them in our extended family.
Our first trip is in the works, so it won't be long before we get to see them again.
It's hard to believe that this journey started just 14 months ago, and now A and the twins are off to the next phase of their journey. While the journey has come to an end the friendship will certainly last a lifetime. I have learned so much from A and his family. They are a very close and loving family and we are blessed to have them in our extended family.
Our first trip is in the works, so it won't be long before we get to see them again.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Max reaches 5lbs!!!!!
On Sunday 7/25 the NICU nurses made a beautiful little scrapbook page for Max celebrating his reaching 5 lbs. He is still in the hospital but making some major leaps and bounds with regard to his progress. He is down to just two do dads, the O2 monitor and the feeding tube. The physician's want him to be nippling all of his feedings and he likes to sleep way more then eating. He tends to fall asleep while eating.
Last night I went to the hospital to spend some time with A and Max just in time for his 9pm feeding. Well just before I arrived Max decided that he'd had enough of his feeding tube and pulled it out. So A and I sat there and talked to Max and encouraged him to eat like a big boy so he didn't have to have that silly thing put back up his nose. He was so funny the entire time he was wide awake and every time I would talk he would look over at me. It was so sweet. I was happy to see him so awake because it was pretty much the first time I'd seen him awake or at least that awake. He at the first 35cc's great and then needed a break, it took about 5 minutes but then he finished the rest of the bottle all by him self. YAY for Max, he even took in 8 extra oz so he was ahead for his next feeding.
A and I just talked about the twins, my kids and our childhood. It was so nice to sit and chat. A even mentioned that he can't wait for the twins to be old enough that Athena can tell them about when they were in my belly. It was nice to hear him say that because I know that though this process I have not only helped him build his family but I have added to mine as well. I have no doubts that this friendship is for a lifetime.
I continue to cheer on Max from the sidelines. I can't wait to see him get released to go home with his daddy and sister.
Last night I went to the hospital to spend some time with A and Max just in time for his 9pm feeding. Well just before I arrived Max decided that he'd had enough of his feeding tube and pulled it out. So A and I sat there and talked to Max and encouraged him to eat like a big boy so he didn't have to have that silly thing put back up his nose. He was so funny the entire time he was wide awake and every time I would talk he would look over at me. It was so sweet. I was happy to see him so awake because it was pretty much the first time I'd seen him awake or at least that awake. He at the first 35cc's great and then needed a break, it took about 5 minutes but then he finished the rest of the bottle all by him self. YAY for Max, he even took in 8 extra oz so he was ahead for his next feeding.
A and I just talked about the twins, my kids and our childhood. It was so nice to sit and chat. A even mentioned that he can't wait for the twins to be old enough that Athena can tell them about when they were in my belly. It was nice to hear him say that because I know that though this process I have not only helped him build his family but I have added to mine as well. I have no doubts that this friendship is for a lifetime.
I continue to cheer on Max from the sidelines. I can't wait to see him get released to go home with his daddy and sister.
Miss Diva Ella is released
Oh the joy, and concern I felt the day Little Miss Diva Ella was released. A texted me Tuesday 7/20 and said that Ella was going to be released the next day. I was over joyed but I kept wondering if A had everything needed for her to stay at the hotel. It took lots of strength to keep from texting him the list of things I thought he needed to have before she was to be released. But I held back knowing that he had done his research and knew at least the basics of what he needed.
Anyway she ended up being released on Thursday 7/22, that night I'm sure daddy go no sleep. The next day A, his brother M and my self took Ella to her first pediatrician appointment. Since they are from TX and going to be here until her brother is released I figured he should go to someone that I know and trust. In the office the ladies should know me since I'm there with one my three at least once a month and I had just been there 3 days prior. But they must not have remembered because they kept asking how I was doing and referring to me as mom. I kept saying that I was just the oven but for some reason it didn't seem to click. Oh well, I finally gave up. Just as A says he has to do sometimes when people ask about "mom". We tease that he needs to come up with some crazy story as to why he's raising the kids on his own. Shawn my hubby loved telling people that "oh those are not mine, don't put that on me". It was really funny to see the faces when he said that. We did explain after but it still was funny. I thought one waitress was going to sock him when he told her that. Oops.
Back to little Miss Diva Ella at her appointment she weighed 4lbs 14oz and I believe she was 18 inches. Some great progress as Dr J said.
Anyway, she's doing great at the hotel (her temporary home) and loves to wake daddy up or keep daddy up all night.
Oh and the NICU nurses nicknamed her Miss Diva Ella because she was so demanding at times and then other times she didn't want anything to do with them. :)
Anyway she ended up being released on Thursday 7/22, that night I'm sure daddy go no sleep. The next day A, his brother M and my self took Ella to her first pediatrician appointment. Since they are from TX and going to be here until her brother is released I figured he should go to someone that I know and trust. In the office the ladies should know me since I'm there with one my three at least once a month and I had just been there 3 days prior. But they must not have remembered because they kept asking how I was doing and referring to me as mom. I kept saying that I was just the oven but for some reason it didn't seem to click. Oh well, I finally gave up. Just as A says he has to do sometimes when people ask about "mom". We tease that he needs to come up with some crazy story as to why he's raising the kids on his own. Shawn my hubby loved telling people that "oh those are not mine, don't put that on me". It was really funny to see the faces when he said that. We did explain after but it still was funny. I thought one waitress was going to sock him when he told her that. Oops.
Back to little Miss Diva Ella at her appointment she weighed 4lbs 14oz and I believe she was 18 inches. Some great progress as Dr J said.
Anyway, she's doing great at the hotel (her temporary home) and loves to wake daddy up or keep daddy up all night.
Oh and the NICU nurses nicknamed her Miss Diva Ella because she was so demanding at times and then other times she didn't want anything to do with them. :)
Journey ended too soon part 2
While in recovery I kept falling asleep, my poor hubby wanted to talk but I just couldn't stay awake long enough to reply. I was in recovery for just a couple hours and then it was off to the Post partum unit.
My first night/day following delivery was a little of a blur because the anesthesia and pain meds made me super tired. I kept falling asleep while pumping and when I had visitors. Lucky for me the nurses and PCA's who took care of me are ones that I work with. It was nice to know despite the fact that I was totally out of it I was properly cared for. I did manage to make it to the NICU a couple of times that day first by wheel chair and then the second time I walked over. It was nice to see little Max and Ella but sad at the same time since they had so many cables and tubes attached to them. I'm pretty sure A spent the whole day in the NICU with his new babies.
I did lots of walking and going to see the babies. The girls that I work with there in the postpartum unit were teasing me that I was ready to go back to work, and said I should go take vitals on the other patients. Could you imagine that, me in my hospital gown taking the vital machine around and doing vitals on the other patients. :). Silly girls. I don't think I got special treatment but I sure did get great treatment while I was there. I also continued to pump for the babies although I wasn't getting much milk. A's brother M was laughing that I only got a drop or two at a time but I was happy to be giving them what ever milk I could, knowing that it was the best thing for their little preemie bodies. I'm now producing the "gallons" he said they needed.
I stayed in the hospital for just over 48 hours after the c-section. I couldn't wait to get home to my babies. I had only seen them for about an hour during my 5 day stay at the hospital so I was ready to just hold them. Even though I'm pretty sure the boys (13 and 11) would not have let me hold them. :) I do now believe that I went home a day earlier then I should have. Since the kids were with a family friend the entire time I was in the hospital they should have gone home with their dad for one night before I went home because they thought that everything would be right back to normal. But I was tired and needed just to relax. Athena had the hardest time she clung to my every move. She didn't want me to pump she wanted me to hold her hand and hug her. My poor little one.
In the first week the babies made major progress, on Friday 7/9 I went to the hospital to spend their 1 week birthday with them and A. When I walked in A was holding both of the babies, my heart was so happy at that moment. Seeing him holding his children with a huge smile on his face was so rewarding. Words can not express what an amazing feeling it is to have helped give such an amazing blessing to someone else.
Now I say the journey ended too soon only because the twins were born so early, but I know that A and I will have a friendship that lasts a lifetime so the journey is just beginning......
Oh I forgot to give stats on the babies, oops.
Max was baby A the one being pushed out by his sister. He weighed 3lbs 9oz and was 15 and 3/4 inches.
Ella little Miss Diva as all the nurses call her weighed 4lbs 1oz and was 17 inches.
I am one proud surromom!!!
My first night/day following delivery was a little of a blur because the anesthesia and pain meds made me super tired. I kept falling asleep while pumping and when I had visitors. Lucky for me the nurses and PCA's who took care of me are ones that I work with. It was nice to know despite the fact that I was totally out of it I was properly cared for. I did manage to make it to the NICU a couple of times that day first by wheel chair and then the second time I walked over. It was nice to see little Max and Ella but sad at the same time since they had so many cables and tubes attached to them. I'm pretty sure A spent the whole day in the NICU with his new babies.
I did lots of walking and going to see the babies. The girls that I work with there in the postpartum unit were teasing me that I was ready to go back to work, and said I should go take vitals on the other patients. Could you imagine that, me in my hospital gown taking the vital machine around and doing vitals on the other patients. :). Silly girls. I don't think I got special treatment but I sure did get great treatment while I was there. I also continued to pump for the babies although I wasn't getting much milk. A's brother M was laughing that I only got a drop or two at a time but I was happy to be giving them what ever milk I could, knowing that it was the best thing for their little preemie bodies. I'm now producing the "gallons" he said they needed.
I stayed in the hospital for just over 48 hours after the c-section. I couldn't wait to get home to my babies. I had only seen them for about an hour during my 5 day stay at the hospital so I was ready to just hold them. Even though I'm pretty sure the boys (13 and 11) would not have let me hold them. :) I do now believe that I went home a day earlier then I should have. Since the kids were with a family friend the entire time I was in the hospital they should have gone home with their dad for one night before I went home because they thought that everything would be right back to normal. But I was tired and needed just to relax. Athena had the hardest time she clung to my every move. She didn't want me to pump she wanted me to hold her hand and hug her. My poor little one.
In the first week the babies made major progress, on Friday 7/9 I went to the hospital to spend their 1 week birthday with them and A. When I walked in A was holding both of the babies, my heart was so happy at that moment. Seeing him holding his children with a huge smile on his face was so rewarding. Words can not express what an amazing feeling it is to have helped give such an amazing blessing to someone else.
Now I say the journey ended too soon only because the twins were born so early, but I know that A and I will have a friendship that lasts a lifetime so the journey is just beginning......
Oh I forgot to give stats on the babies, oops.
Max was baby A the one being pushed out by his sister. He weighed 3lbs 9oz and was 15 and 3/4 inches.
Ella little Miss Diva as all the nurses call her weighed 4lbs 1oz and was 17 inches.
I am one proud surromom!!!
Monday, July 19, 2010
Journey ended too soon
Wow, it's been so long since I've posted.
Anyway on 1/6/10 we found out that A was expecting twins. He was scared and over joyed at the same time. I too was excited but scared because I'd never carried twins.
The pregnancy was great, I gained only 15 lbs and it was all in my belly. I felt great, in fact I was my normal busy body self up until the night my water broke.
On Tuesday night about 11:30pm while laying in bed watching TV with Shawn my water broke. It was a small gush until I stood up. Shawn instantly got dressed and took me to the hospital. Luckily I was not in active labor at that time so they put me on magnesium and gave me steroids to help the babies lungs since at that point they were only 32 weeks of gestation. The next morning I called A and told him that he needed to make his way to Phoenix as they babies could come at any time. Finally late the next day the Dr came in to let me know what the plan is. At that time the plan was to hold labor off until 34 weeks because baby A's fluid levels were still good. A arrived with his brother and best friend about 4pm, we sat and chatted for a while but I kept falling asleep from the mag. The next day pretty much was the same we sat around and talked between my naps.
All along I was having contractions but only about 1 an hour, then at 1am Friday morning I had a contraction that seemed like it was 5 minutes long. Roxanne my nurse came in about 15 minutes later and asked how the contractions were feeling. I could tell that she was worried, as was I. She checked my cervix to find that I was at a 6. She said she would be right back, that she needed to call my OB. I asked her at that point if I should call A, she said to wait just a few minutes. She came back in and said to get ready we are headed to the OR. I called A and let him know that he needed to get to the hospital now. When I hung up the phone I started to get scared because I was headed in for major surgery and was all alone. I called Shawn to let him know we were headed in to have a C-section. A arrived as they were putting me in the wheel chair to go to the OR. He got dressed in his scrubs and we were off.
We got into the OR and they gave me the spinal and got me all situated for the section. During the actual surgery I remember feeling lots of tugging and pulling. The tugging and pulling was Dr Bass trying to get Baby A out of my birth canal because he was headed out. Once he was out I was over joyed when I heard his cry, and shortly there after hearing the cry of his sister brought the same joy. Although neither could match the joy of seeing A with his babies. They brought both babies over so I could see them before taking them to the NICU. Dr Bass and the assisting Dr stitched me up and then glued the outside incision. Finally I was taken to the recovery room where I finally got to see Shawn.
More to come.......
Anyway on 1/6/10 we found out that A was expecting twins. He was scared and over joyed at the same time. I too was excited but scared because I'd never carried twins.
The pregnancy was great, I gained only 15 lbs and it was all in my belly. I felt great, in fact I was my normal busy body self up until the night my water broke.
On Tuesday night about 11:30pm while laying in bed watching TV with Shawn my water broke. It was a small gush until I stood up. Shawn instantly got dressed and took me to the hospital. Luckily I was not in active labor at that time so they put me on magnesium and gave me steroids to help the babies lungs since at that point they were only 32 weeks of gestation. The next morning I called A and told him that he needed to make his way to Phoenix as they babies could come at any time. Finally late the next day the Dr came in to let me know what the plan is. At that time the plan was to hold labor off until 34 weeks because baby A's fluid levels were still good. A arrived with his brother and best friend about 4pm, we sat and chatted for a while but I kept falling asleep from the mag. The next day pretty much was the same we sat around and talked between my naps.
All along I was having contractions but only about 1 an hour, then at 1am Friday morning I had a contraction that seemed like it was 5 minutes long. Roxanne my nurse came in about 15 minutes later and asked how the contractions were feeling. I could tell that she was worried, as was I. She checked my cervix to find that I was at a 6. She said she would be right back, that she needed to call my OB. I asked her at that point if I should call A, she said to wait just a few minutes. She came back in and said to get ready we are headed to the OR. I called A and let him know that he needed to get to the hospital now. When I hung up the phone I started to get scared because I was headed in for major surgery and was all alone. I called Shawn to let him know we were headed in to have a C-section. A arrived as they were putting me in the wheel chair to go to the OR. He got dressed in his scrubs and we were off.
We got into the OR and they gave me the spinal and got me all situated for the section. During the actual surgery I remember feeling lots of tugging and pulling. The tugging and pulling was Dr Bass trying to get Baby A out of my birth canal because he was headed out. Once he was out I was over joyed when I heard his cry, and shortly there after hearing the cry of his sister brought the same joy. Although neither could match the joy of seeing A with his babies. They brought both babies over so I could see them before taking them to the NICU. Dr Bass and the assisting Dr stitched me up and then glued the outside incision. Finally I was taken to the recovery room where I finally got to see Shawn.
More to come.......
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