Diary of a Gestational Surrogate

What does the future hold?

2010-08-08T21:10:00.000-07:00

From the moment my water broke at 32 weeks until the moment before I saw the twins in the NICU I thought I could never carry a child for someone else again. I thought that there was no way I could take on that responsibility. That even though I did everything as the Dr ordered, I felt that I had failed the twins and A.

But that all changed the moment I saw the twins in person and knew that they were going to be okay despite some time in the nursery. I feel that being a surrogate is something I was meant to do. I was put on this earth to help others and to share the gift of children with others.

Before my husband would agree for me to do another journey he asked me to put into words the pro's and con's of surrogacy. I explained in my 3 page letter to him that I feel that surrogacy has helped me teach our children about compassion, love, dedication, caring, selflessness, and sacrifice. I also explained that seeing others struggle through infertility made me have a greater appreciation and love for my children. I feel that as a family we are much more spiritually and emotionally connected. Through this journey I feel we have been able to further teach our boys to accept people no matter their sexual orientation, race, color, etc. The journey of surrogacy made me a much better wife, mother and person. And we also have gained at least 3 more members of our family.

Surrogacy also helped our family financially, it afforded us some wonderful things, things we've desired but could not normally afford. The financial end was nice but to me the most amazing part of this journey was the change I saw in my entire family, the appreciation for and dedication to one and other.

Now, what does the future hold? At this point only God knows. I hope to say that I will be graced with the ability to bless another family with a child or children, but that is out of our hands. Only time will tell.

Bittersweet day

2010-07-31T23:55:00.000-07:00

I got the call on Friday saying that Max was to be released on Saturday and they were finally headed home to Texas. A and I decided that we would meet at the hospital so we could take pictures before they were off to the airport. I woke up Saturday morning feeling sad that A and the twins would be going home but at the same time happy that at just 4 weeks old (36 gestational weeks) both Max and Ella were healthy enough to be going home. Shawn, the kids and I got ready and met A at the hospital where we took a couple of pictures and saw them off. The visit was short and my only regret is not asking if I could get a picture of me holding the twins together, but there will be time for me to get my picture when we visit the twins at home in Texas.

It's hard to believe that this journey started just 14 months ago, and now A and the twins are off to the next phase of their journey. While the journey has come to an end the friendship will certainly last a lifetime. I have learned so much from A and his family. They are a very close and loving family and we are blessed to have them in our extended family.

Our first trip is in the works, so it won't be long before we get to see them again.

I'm following my self

2010-07-29T14:51:00.002-07:00

Lol, I just clicked to follow my own blog. Oops. I'm loosing my mind today.

Max reaches 5lbs!!!!!

2010-07-28T22:42:00.001-07:00

On Sunday 7/25 the NICU nurses made a beautiful little scrapbook page for Max celebrating his reaching 5 lbs. He is still in the hospital but making some major leaps and bounds with regard to his progress. He is down to just two do dads, the O2 monitor and the feeding tube. The physician's want him to be nippling all of his feedings and he likes to sleep way more then eating. He tends to fall asleep while eating.

Last night I went to the hospital to spend some time with A and Max just in time for his 9pm feeding. Well just before I arrived Max decided that he'd had enough of his feeding tube and pulled it out. So A and I sat there and talked to Max and encouraged him to eat like a big boy so he didn't have to have that silly thing put back up his nose. He was so funny the entire time he was wide awake and every time I would talk he would look over at me. It was so sweet. I was happy to see him so awake because it was pretty much the first time I'd seen him awake or at least that awake. He at the first 35cc's great and then needed a break, it took about 5 minutes but then he finished the rest of the bottle all by him self. YAY for Max, he even took in 8 extra oz so he was ahead for his next feeding.

A and I just talked about the twins, my kids and our childhood. It was so nice to sit and chat. A even mentioned that he can't wait for the twins to be old enough that Athena can tell them about when they were in my belly. It was nice to hear him say that because I know that though this process I have not only helped him build his family but I have added to mine as well. I have no doubts that this friendship is for a lifetime.

I continue to cheer on Max from the sidelines. I can't wait to see him get released to go home with his daddy and sister.

Miss Diva Ella is released

2010-07-28T22:19:00.000-07:00

Oh the joy, and concern I felt the day Little Miss Diva Ella was released. A texted me Tuesday 7/20 and said that Ella was going to be released the next day. I was over joyed but I kept wondering if A had everything needed for her to stay at the hotel. It took lots of strength to keep from texting him the list of things I thought he needed to have before she was to be released. But I held back knowing that he had done his research and knew at least the basics of what he needed.

Anyway she ended up being released on Thursday 7/22, that night I'm sure daddy go no sleep. The next day A, his brother M and my self took Ella to her first pediatrician appointment. Since they are from TX and going to be here until her brother is released I figured he should go to someone that I know and trust. In the office the ladies should know me since I'm there with one my three at least once a month and I had just been there 3 days prior. But they must not have remembered because they kept asking how I was doing and referring to me as mom. I kept saying that I was just the oven but for some reason it didn't seem to click. Oh well, I finally gave up. Just as A says he has to do sometimes when people ask about "mom". We tease that he needs to come up with some crazy story as to why he's raising the kids on his own. Shawn my hubby loved telling people that "oh those are not mine, don't put that on me". It was really funny to see the faces when he said that. We did explain after but it still was funny. I thought one waitress was going to sock him when he told her that. Oops.

Back to little Miss Diva Ella at her appointment she weighed 4lbs 14oz and I believe she was 18 inches. Some great progress as Dr J said.

Anyway, she's doing great at the hotel (her temporary home) and loves to wake daddy up or keep daddy up all night.

Oh and the NICU nurses nicknamed her Miss Diva Ella because she was so demanding at times and then other times she didn't want anything to do with them. :)

Journey ended too soon part 2

2010-07-28T21:47:00.000-07:00

While in recovery I kept falling asleep, my poor hubby wanted to talk but I just couldn't stay awake long enough to reply. I was in recovery for just a couple hours and then it was off to the Post partum unit.

My first night/day following delivery was a little of a blur because the anesthesia and pain meds made me super tired. I kept falling asleep while pumping and when I had visitors. Lucky for me the nurses and PCA's who took care of me are ones that I work with. It was nice to know despite the fact that I was totally out of it I was properly cared for. I did manage to make it to the NICU a couple of times that day first by wheel chair and then the second time I walked over. It was nice to see little Max and Ella but sad at the same time since they had so many cables and tubes attached to them. I'm pretty sure A spent the whole day in the NICU with his new babies.

I did lots of walking and going to see the babies. The girls that I work with there in the postpartum unit were teasing me that I was ready to go back to work, and said I should go take vitals on the other patients. Could you imagine that, me in my hospital gown taking the vital machine around and doing vitals on the other patients. :). Silly girls. I don't think I got special treatment but I sure did get great treatment while I was there. I also continued to pump for the babies although I wasn't getting much milk. A's brother M was laughing that I only got a drop or two at a time but I was happy to be giving them what ever milk I could, knowing that it was the best thing for their little preemie bodies. I'm now producing the "gallons" he said they needed.

I stayed in the hospital for just over 48 hours after the c-section. I couldn't wait to get home to my babies. I had only seen them for about an hour during my 5 day stay at the hospital so I was ready to just hold them. Even though I'm pretty sure the boys (13 and 11) would not have let me hold them. :) I do now believe that I went home a day earlier then I should have. Since the kids were with a family friend the entire time I was in the hospital they should have gone home with their dad for one night before I went home because they thought that everything would be right back to normal. But I was tired and needed just to relax. Athena had the hardest time she clung to my every move. She didn't want me to pump she wanted me to hold her hand and hug her. My poor little one.

In the first week the babies made major progress, on Friday 7/9 I went to the hospital to spend their 1 week birthday with them and A. When I walked in A was holding both of the babies, my heart was so happy at that moment. Seeing him holding his children with a huge smile on his face was so rewarding. Words can not express what an amazing feeling it is to have helped give such an amazing blessing to someone else.

Now I say the journey ended too soon only because the twins were born so early, but I know that A and I will have a friendship that lasts a lifetime so the journey is just beginning......

Oh I forgot to give stats on the babies, oops.

Max was baby A the one being pushed out by his sister. He weighed 3lbs 9oz and was 15 and 3/4 inches.
Ella little Miss Diva as all the nurses call her weighed 4lbs 1oz and was 17 inches.

I am one proud surromom!!!

Journey ended too soon

2010-07-19T23:24:00.001-07:00

Wow, it's been so long since I've posted.

Anyway on 1/6/10 we found out that A was expecting twins. He was scared and over joyed at the same time. I too was excited but scared because I'd never carried twins.

The pregnancy was great, I gained only 15 lbs and it was all in my belly. I felt great, in fact I was my normal busy body self up until the night my water broke.

On Tuesday night about 11:30pm while laying in bed watching TV with Shawn my water broke. It was a small gush until I stood up. Shawn instantly got dressed and took me to the hospital. Luckily I was not in active labor at that time so they put me on magnesium and gave me steroids to help the babies lungs since at that point they were only 32 weeks of gestation. The next morning I called A and told him that he needed to make his way to Phoenix as they babies could come at any time. Finally late the next day the Dr came in to let me know what the plan is. At that time the plan was to hold labor off until 34 weeks because baby A's fluid levels were still good. A arrived with his brother and best friend about 4pm, we sat and chatted for a while but I kept falling asleep from the mag. The next day pretty much was the same we sat around and talked between my naps.

All along I was having contractions but only about 1 an hour, then at 1am Friday morning I had a contraction that seemed like it was 5 minutes long. Roxanne my nurse came in about 15 minutes later and asked how the contractions were feeling. I could tell that she was worried, as was I. She checked my cervix to find that I was at a 6. She said she would be right back, that she needed to call my OB. I asked her at that point if I should call A, she said to wait just a few minutes. She came back in and said to get ready we are headed to the OR. I called A and let him know that he needed to get to the hospital now. When I hung up the phone I started to get scared because I was headed in for major surgery and was all alone. I called Shawn to let him know we were headed in to have a C-section. A arrived as they were putting me in the wheel chair to go to the OR. He got dressed in his scrubs and we were off.

We got into the OR and they gave me the spinal and got me all situated for the section. During the actual surgery I remember feeling lots of tugging and pulling. The tugging and pulling was Dr Bass trying to get Baby A out of my birth canal because he was headed out. Once he was out I was over joyed when I heard his cry, and shortly there after hearing the cry of his sister brought the same joy. Although neither could match the joy of seeing A with his babies. They brought both babies over so I could see them before taking them to the NICU. Dr Bass and the assisting Dr stitched me up and then glued the outside incision. Finally I was taken to the recovery room where I finally got to see Shawn.

More to come.......

2009-12-28T14:49:00.000-07:00

Well the morning sickness is here, I'm not sure why it's here so early but I'm sick on and off. So far I'm able to eat just way smaller amounts. We made baked potato soup on Christmas day and I love baked potato soup so I stuffed my self 3 days in a row, now the thought of it just makes me sick. UGH.

Our first ultra sound is planned for next Wednesday 1/6/10, that's when we will see the baby(ies) heart beating. I'm so excited. A is very excited too but is also nervous which I can understand. Transfering 2 embryos gives him the chance of having twins which is a hard thing for two parents let alone just one. Eitherway he's going to be a great father and has a great support system to help him.

I'm off to go lay on the couch, I worked last night so I'm still tired. :)

2009-12-25T21:04:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas!!!

This has been an amazing month for me as a surrogate, I'm currently 5 weeks 2 days pregnant with my first surro baby. I'm so excited for A, he's going to make an amazing father.

I'm starting to get morning sickness on and off, so far not too bad but I'm sure there's more to come since it's still early. Today the babies heart started to beat, I can't wait for the first ultrasound on 1/6/10. That's when we find out if one or both embryos decided to stick around.

Well, I'd better go spend some more time with my family and feeding the child(ren) in my belly. ;)

2009-10-12T15:47:00.000-07:00

Okay so I realize that it's been soooooo long since I last posted anything. I don't think I even posted that my transfer in August was not successful. O-well now you know. The good news is that we are transferring again in early December. This time it will be a fresh transfer and I will know when about 3 to 4 days prior. I have a general idea of when just not exact dates, etc.
Originally I was going to go by my self that way I could just relax in the hotel and not have to worry about entertaining anyone but then my hubby decided to ask me if I wanted to see Rockefeller Center in December. Heck yes I do. I think it will be beautiful. So now I don't know if I want to go alone because I don't want to be there in NYC by my self. What to do what to do.

Today I started the 30 day Wii Active challenge. I was impressed at the workout and look forward to the next.
Well, I'd better go take a nap while I can. *I worked 12 hours last night and the night before so I'm very tired.

Good Afternoon!

2009-09-04T09:15:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been a while since I've posted anything. The transfer was on 8/24/09 it went well, at first Dr W. Said that we were transfering 4 because the quatlity was not that great but then he came back and said that they were better then they thought and that they would only transfer 3. Thank goodness.

But then came day 5 after the transfer, I started POAS (peeing on a stick) but nothing. I did that everyday multiple times a day.

Yesterday I was very irratable and cranky thinking that the transfer didn't work. Plus at 10dp3dt I still have only received 2 very faint lines and many many negatives.

That brings us to today Beta day. I woke up early to be at the clinic early to have the blood drawn. I feel really good, and oddly at peace. I've done so much research and most everything says that the beta will be negative but I have this feeling deep inside that believes that the information could be wrong. I really hope that the feeling is right. I know that my IF will try again but I really want this one to be the one.

I will update more later as I'd better get some homework done since it's due tomorrow.

PIO injections

2009-08-22T08:20:00.000-07:00

So I did my own PIO injection this morning. It really wasn't that bad. The area started to hurt the day following the injection so I'm in a little pain from the first two but the one I did today doesn't hurt.

I'm trying to get packed for the trip tomorrow but am waiting for some laundry. I also need to clean the house more but am just not motivated. I really only need to clean my room and sweep/mop the floors. It's really not that much work but I'm having a hard time starting. I just want to spend time with my kiddos and take a nap. LOL

Well, I'm hungry so I'm going to go raid the fridge. I guess it's a good thing that I'm hungry because I haven't really been hungry lately.

Okay I off to find food.

2009-08-20T19:15:00.000-07:00

Well, I haven't been on in a while because I started working nights. Night shift is not bad I think it will be great because it's much more layed back and not as busy. (now that I said that my first day back in September is going to be crazy but thats okay).

My IF arrived in NY today and is on his way to CT. He has an appointment to make his "deposit" in the morning. I can't wait to get the fert report. We transfer either next Monday or Wednesday. I'm so excited but nervous because I start the PIO tonight. UGH. I think I will wait till the kids are in bed to do that one.

I'd better make some dinner since it's already 7:30pm.

Good night.

Tired

2009-08-12T14:33:00.001-07:00

So I started working nights Monday, which wouldn't have been bad but I slept Sunday night and then could not take a nap more then 30 minutes on Monday. UGH I was so tired but the night went well. I hope that my 4 day strech Saturday thru Tuesday will be better. Last night was great I didn't get tired until about 4am. Thank goodness.

Today I'm tired but I didn't want to sleep the day way because I want to sleep tonight.

I can't believe it there are only 2 weeks until the transfer if we do a 5 day transfer if we do a 3 day then it's only a week and a half. OMG I can't wait to make A a daddy!!!!!

Well, I'm going to look through the grocery store ads to see what to make for dinner. LOL

Husband made a funny

2009-08-09T09:03:00.001-07:00

So last night I came on to post an update and my husband asked me what I was doing. I told him I was posting on my blog. He looked on the screen and read the title "Diary of a gestational surrogate" and said I needed to change it to "Diary of a crazy lady". Yeah I married him, I must be crazy. He has been so supportive in both of my journies, the first being 2 years ago and very stressful. I'm actually really surprised that he agreed to me doing it again. The first time I was on Loopy Lupron for 3 months, during which I was a total "B" word. Luckily this time has been better, when I first started the meds I had a shorter fuse and was very impatient but it's gotten better.

I'm very thankful to have such a supportive and loving husband. He even stays home with our 3 kids when I work on weekends and doesn't even complain. It's great.

Oh I also have to say that my lupron shot hurt so bad today. I ran out of needles from the box so I went into my stash and got the ones from my first cycle. I must have forgotten that those needles are crap. They must bend when I draw up the lupron because today was the first time I actually hurt. I immediately removed those needles from the box and exchanged them with the extra's that the pharmacy sent me. Hopefully I won't have the same problem with those ones.

Well, I'm off to spend the day with the kids. I might even do some shopping.

No more 10 units of Lupron Yippee!!!

2009-08-07T12:20:00.001-07:00

I just heard back from CFA and my ultrasound and blood work came back great. I get to lower the Lupron to 5 units and start Estrace tomorrow. We are on our way to making A a daddy.

Second suppression check

2009-08-07T11:45:00.001-07:00

I never knew how excited I would be to see my uterus. LOL I heard the tech say that it was a 6, but what I thought. What is a 6. Yippee it was my lining it was a 6. Dr Doyle said it needed to be less then a 7 so I'm good. I'm just waiting on the call to say what meds to start next.

A ~ called me today, I love talking to him he's so sweet. He will be the best daddy.

So I called my grandma today to thank her for sending the kids birthday cards. But when I heard my grandpa's voice on her voicemail I almost couldn 't leave a message. I miss him so much, but it was nice to hear his voice. I don't know if it was the Lupron that made me so emotional or if I just needed a good cry but I cried for about 20 minutes.

Well, I'd better get to cleaning. The sitter is coming over to go over some stuff for the transfer.

Bye for now.

My very first blog!

2009-08-05T18:49:00.001-07:00

Hi,

My name is Heather and this is my very first blog. I've wanted to do a blog for many years but I guess I never had the time or just never took the time to do it. Well here it goes.

I am a gestational surrogate for a wonderful intended father. I can't wait to bring the joy of being a parent to his life.

As a person who has been blessed with three wonderful children I have been so honored to be able to give that gift to others. In 2007 I went through the IVF process for a wonderful family and unfortunately none of the embryos stuck. So I waited a while and here I am.

I went to my first u/s and bloodwork appointment yesterday to find out that my uterine lining is too thick. UGH. So now I have to stay on 10 units of Lupron until after my re-check on Friday. Fun Fun Loopy Lupron.

Well, I guess I'd better make dinner now.